The Reluctant Housewife or Dorothy Parker Ate My Puppy

"When I got married, I said to my therapist, 'I want to do something creative.' He said, 'Why don't you have a baby?' I hope he's dead now." Joy Behar

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Sweating it Out

Where could I look? As I spoke to my mother-in-law I was acutely aware that she was naked. And so was I. I'm not used to being naked. I like clothes. That's an understatement. I adore clothes, and lots of them. I swathe myself in vests and pashminas, cashmere socks and cardigans that come to my knees. I'm one of those people that complains of the cold when the temperature dips below 25 degrees. I'm naked in the bath. That's it. Or that's how it used to be.

Mother-in-law, father-in-law, & h'band took me to the sauna. Not just a sauna, but a bona fide German nudist sauna and water complex. I stood out like a beacon of pasty Englishness against the crowds of tanned Teutons. The experience was relaxing and terrifying in equal measures.

H'band claims that no-one stares at anyone esle at the sauna. This is a lie. I stared at everyone. I will never worry about my weight again.