The Reluctant Housewife or Dorothy Parker Ate My Puppy

"When I got married, I said to my therapist, 'I want to do something creative.' He said, 'Why don't you have a baby?' I hope he's dead now." Joy Behar

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Staring

A slow day, as though the air is made of treacle. I have so many chores and no inclination to start any of them. I wonder how I can resurrect my enthusiasm, and I realize that repressing feelings takes effort (see previous post).

How are you today? Are you happy and productive? I hope so. There's nothing like a bout of idle misery to make you re-examine your life. No good can come of this. I looked at Dr Raj Persaud's yesterday. He postulates that if you can't think of the ten things your most proud of in the space of a few minutes then your self esteem is shot. It took me half an hour to think of any.

1. Getting my degree - no mean feat as I when I took my finals I was a depressed, shaking wreck.

2. Being an intrepid traveller (until I got the fear). I remember waking up on random buses as the sun rose over the Sahara and not caring if I knew where we were going or what I would do when we got there. I had an unshakeable belief that everything would be OK.

I now I'm feeling down because of my hormonal problems, but it has affected the rest of my life to the extent that I think my life is depressing me too.

I don't work, don't have an children, have no pets, do as little housework as I can get away with, own no property, drink too much, take too many sleeping pills...It's an effort to breathe sometimes.

The thing I want most right now, apart from good mental health and a house, is a puppy. I've give several toes to have some company during the day.

Dreamt of an old boyfriend last night - my dreams are so real recently, as though they are where I'm actually living my life.